F&I Management & Training

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Banks in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank are soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank are reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

An elderly lady receives an e-mail from the son of a deceased (but wealthy) African general, asking whether he could transfer millions of pounds into her bank account in return for a 20% cut. All the son needs is the sort code and account number. Not realising she is the victim of a Nigerian 419 fraud, she e-mails back the details. A couple of minutes later she receives an e-mail back from the general's son: 'Icesave?!' What is this, some sort of scam?" 

Resolving to surprise her husband, an investment banker's wife pops by his office. She finds him in an unorthodox position, with his secretary sitting in his lap. Without hesitation, he starts dictating, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, credit crunch or no credit crunch, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair!"

What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's

What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.

The last time Iceland had a crash like this aisle three was closed all day.

Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?
A: To ask for their money back.

I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?

Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.

Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."

Talked to my bank manager last month and he said he was going to concentrate on the big issues from now on. He sold me one outside Boots yesterday

Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...

DATED: 14.10.08

FEED: PTL